02. Where Does It Come From?

How does one get a high self esteem?

Have you ever criticized, even cursed yourself for doing something wrong?  Have you tried torturing yourself by doing a monologue of how silly and stupid you are, and how useless you are to society?  If you have been doing this on a regular basis, then you may have a low self esteem.

Self esteem is the overall image or value you have of yourself, it is how you look at yourself when you look in the mirror.  If you look in the mirror and you see a loser who can do nothing more than commit mistakes, then you may have a very low self image.

A person's self esteem does not come from out of the blue.  It is not something you were born with, although it is partly determined by the circumstances into which you were born.  It is not manna from heaven and it cannot be bought by money.

Self esteem is acquired by a person early in life, when he was just a child, starting to recognize faces.  He gains a little of it whenever he practices his gait and he gets encouragement from his parents, even if he manages to fumble a couple of times or more.  He gains a little more of it as he becomes a toddler and his parents would give him hugs and kisses and tells him he is the their most precious possession.

As the child becomes a teenager, he has more or less developed a certain degree of self esteem gained from childhood.   This degree of self esteem can be developed if as a teenager, he is recognized for his little achievements, and given a pat in the back and a comforting shoulder whenever he fails. 

When this child becomes an adult, his self worth will be determined by the totality of his experiences growing up and the way he was treated by his family and friends.  A high self esteem can serve as his arsenal whenever confronted by damaging criticisms and negative feedbacks from various people.

Effects of low self esteem

People who grew up in a very critical environment, where achievements are rarely praised and where faults are given more emphasis will most likely have a very low self esteem.  Among the effects of a low self esteem are:

1. It can cause anxiety and depression.  A person with a low self esteem is always concerned about pleasing other people.  The more he tries to make other people happy, the more he becomes depressed and unsure of himself.  And when he becomes unsure of himself, he will take this as a negative attribute, leading to a lesser self worth.  It goes on and on until he does not anymore have a clear view of himself as a person.

2. A low self esteem can result in a setback in a person's performance in school or his career goals.  A person who thinks less of himself will more likely have very low grades.  If already working, a person with low self esteem will experience some difficulty in his career as he could not even perform his ordinary responsibilities well.

3. Lack of self esteem can create tension in a person's relationship with other people.  Because he looks down on himself too much, this person cannot maintain a healthy relationship.  He thinks he is lower than anybody and he is not worth loving.

4. Low self esteem can lead to dependency problems.  Many people who have very low regard for themselves get into drugs because they look at substance abuse as the only way to confirm their existence.  Others become alcoholics, opting to become intoxicated rather than confront the difficulty of facing one's self.

People with low self esteem or low self worth have very little or no self confidence at all.  A single mistake, no matter how small, will always be blown out of proportion.  A person with low self esteem will always blame himself for anything that happens regardless of the factors involved in the incident.

A person who has low self esteem is fragile and can be easily influenced by people who take advantage of other people's frailty.  While self esteem has its roots in a person's childhood there is still a chance to develop the self worth of adults who treat themselves as lesser mortals.  However, it will take an extra effort and determination, as well as a good support group before one can achieve this.